' " i see and i blow;

i noe.. its long b4 i updated this blog again...

juz tat.. i hav no mood in doing so.. so i hardly update...

after school today..
went down go find teng teng!! and i felt so bad taking the forms from sister..

then evey time i go into the ward find tengs.. he not there.. so not thing is go into toilet..
and true enough.. he is in there..
and for some reason.. is always the same patient.. and i could hav guessed it every time..
haha

okie okie..
stoned in ttsh and had some food with tengs.. and sk too..
thx sk.. for accompanying me go find tengs..

and to joelene my dear cuzzin!!
i read tat compo of urs..
and.. the other stuff together..

thx for support too.. i have got alot..
from everyone..

i do noe how to control this saddness for now..
and i noe when to let out.. so u guys dun worry bout me..
and ya..
42 days hav passed.. it seemed so fast..
how much we could hav wished.. tat time can be rewinded..
and prevented tat to happen..

thou is not going to happen..
not only me..
those who were close to lionel..
all wanted to see him at least 1 more time..

but all is juz hope..

oh.. by the way

its hard for me to say out my saddness juz like tat..
so i am here to post..
and pls dun think i am sad..
its juz.. i wanna destress..

and 1 last question b4 i go..
anyone up for ice staking next week b4 the exams??
wanna destress more b4 starting studying..

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 7:31 pm

viewed;;[this is long.. read if u wan ]

okie.. i noe i nvr updated 4 quite some time..

i shall start with friday..
woke up at 5+ went for attachment..
rushed thru all the impt stuff 1st b4 the sparrowhawk thingy..
dun ask me y is called sparrowhawk..
after work.. (the end of my attachment!!)

went down to kcp..
saw their drills.. really really...
need tons of improvment..
left early..

home.. bathed and got out of house to meet hei and the rest..
celebrated hei's bdae at CJ..
hei/jojo tat gang left for hei's phone thingy..
so ange went toilet 1st..
out of there..
i saw jeremy..
toked a bit..
planning to cont..
saw jie and liyan (bro's fren)
toked a bit..
then rushed... caught up with hei..
then hei!! "lost" his lappie!!
i dunno wads the ending..
but we cont to head home..
then came home when jie and liyan went to esplande..

reach home.. took cr.. and some other games...
then on to head to shawn's house..
i dun wanna say how we reached...
but we reached there not tat lost..
only ange had trouble as..
she is partially blind...

okie..
then toonnned there lorz...
movie marthon a bit and chocobo abit.. b4 getting some rest..

SAT..
was at shawn house.. till 9+...
then went for dinner.. then home..
played cr and pf in his house for the whole day..

then SUNday..
sorry ange.. i nvr go..
cuz alvin needed my comp for project...
but ya.. watched poc: dead man's chest..
with mom.. alvin and liyan..
it is a nice movie.. is way cooL!!

okie..
and monday..
back at school..
nothing much i did..
onyl lect, and tuts as usual..

then home..
rushed thru the details needed for my patient education presentation..

lastly today..
i dunno how to say bout today..
only tat had 4 hours of bio in total...
and cfmed my blood type!!
is AB+..

okie okie..
teng and er came back to nyp after shift...
then.. went home soon after some chit chattering..

and now.. blogging!!
=DD

finished my post at last.. =DD

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 8:05 pm

viewed;;[here ange!! i did this!! ]

10 THINGS I WANT HERE RIGHT NOW
1)sleep
2)stone
3) play my brother's psp
4)finish this thingy to prove to ange i did it..
5)my dearest dearest brother... i wanna put this as the top number 1 wanted list
6)my friends
7)my project on patient education (done anf finished)
8)motivation to go n studying
9)creativity
10)see ange angry tat i made her say the wrong stuff

10 THINGS I WANT FOR MY FUTURE:
1)my brother
2)my brother
3)my brother
4)food..
5)drinks
6)friends
7)stable job
8)be with my family always
9)with my loved ones (including friends)
10)happiness

10 THINGS I MISS
1)my brother
2)holidays
3)my friends
4)secondary school
5)LoL memories
6)sJ memories
7)family time
8)campus superstar
9)especially my brother
10)all my memories

10 THINGS I LOVE
1)brother
2)dear haha..
3)LoL
4)LCO
5)my bro's psp
6)my family
7)turtles
8)drawing though i stink at it
9)my home
10)my comp

10 THINGS I BRING EVERYWHERE I GO AND WHY?:
1) clothes - reasons are obvious..
2)myself - if i am not there..then i shldn't be there..
3)my organs.. without them.. how i live..
4)wallet - for my transport and buying of stuff...
5)hp - keep in contact with family and friends
6)bag to stuff other stuff i need to bring
7)my memories... i dun wanna lose them
8)my eyes - to see
9)heart to feel
10)anything to help brighten other ppl's day

10 BLOGS I ALWAYS READ:
1)ange i do read most of ur post okie!!
2)sk though he hardly updates last few weeks
3)my own.. to prove tat i really need updates
4)eh..zhiyang...
5)my brother's memorial blog
6)dear dear's
7, 8, 9 n 10) i dun really read other's liao.. unless i really bored..

10PPL I WANT TO SEE DO THIS:
1 to 10) anyone.. lol i hav no idea anyway..
cuz if they wanna do then do lorz..

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 7:41 pm

viewed;;[so long hav passed ]

time flies...
its fast.. wols...
tsaf.. not slow...

3 weeks of attachment ends tml..
felt more comfort 4 me le...
as.. i spent the 3 weeks there...
had my share of complains..
had my share of bad memories...
but too had my share of exp..
tons of them...

i gratefully thank them manz..
though i still dun really like mary..
but.. i wun deny wad she said is false...
she too had her share of stress to cope with us..
yet she patiently took care of us during this attachie..

tml is another day!!
hope it ends fast.. not tat all about the mark of the end of this attachment..
but the mark to prove to myself i worked thru it..
=DD kor.. i can de...

here is another thing to prove time flies...
20062006... is like 1 month le..
so fast... is 1 month...
days do past...
memories do stay.. no matter sad or happy...
thinking of it.. hurt my heart..
but i will live thru it...

and for everyone here or anywhere supporting me..
thx..
i will prove to live thru it too =DD

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 10:12 pm

viewed;;[shld be sleeping now ]

okie..
now... at this time... and this moment.. i shld be asleep..
gaining enough energy for tml...

to day... went temple to pai pai.. for the 3rd 7th...
time flies.. yet the feeling... still feels so shocking..
juz the moment to think bout it..

okie...
after the temple stuff..
went straight down to ttsh... as it is in the corner nearby...
reached there at 11.30am.. and shift starts at 1...
so u can see how long i stoned in the tea room..
1pm... came out.. go meet ma li!! (mary) the ci for this attachie..

go in she talked to the whole grp..
then.. talked bout mortuary...
the worse last office...
did felt like breaking down... but did not..
only saddness filled me up..
rite after the morning..
!!

today..
oso hardly did anything.. cuz...
no diapers to change.. no hrly paras..
no complaining pt..
so... had a quite a peaceful day..

okie had break with sk.. meet up with him lahz..
after shift.. met up with him again.. walk to mrt station..
came home le..
tired sehh!!

okie..
really gotta sleep le..
tml is another day!!
juz really wanna hav a day..
to myself.. play..
run, blade, skate..
and drive myself crazy...

but.. now attachies are makeing me tired..
studies are stressed due to upcoming exams..

how to hav those i wanted.. after exam..
attachies again!!
argh!!
did i take a wrong step in taking up this course??
hope i did not..
but i will complete it 1st.. no matter wad..

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 10:39 pm

viewed;;[moodless attachies ]

i am bored... 5 days off attachment passed... none is making my mood better...

trying my best to do my stuff.. but juz unable to do so.. juz felt so moodless doing things..
even though i dun show..
but juz.... dunno y...

in school at least i dun feel tat much..
juz... cannot help it..
i confess... i can laugh.. all those when talking to the patients... but...
will feel so dead lone.. when... i start to think..

sometimes... even hav the feeling of running somewhere...
w/o anyone.. and stay there for a while.. but cannot..,.
need stay there!!

and time really flies...
it has been 2 weeks... to the day i dun see him...
is going to be 21 days... the 3rd 7th day... soon...
and i cannot stop thinking bout tat...

i noe... i needa be strong and stuff...
sorry... but i noe u guys care...
but... i HAV ENOUGH OF HEARING OF THAT!!
everyone is saying the same thing..
on and on and on...

i juz wanna hav time where i really wan to tell every feeling i wan wan say
but i dunno how..
cuz i hav this idiotic habit i juz realise...
i will hide every feeling of saddness i hav...
juz so tat i wun damppen other's days...

...

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 5:46 pm

viewed;;[blading!! ]

okie okie.. sorry ange.. for posting this this late.. but better late then nvr..

okie... friday happened to be like.. a miracle... dear dear was the earliest to reach...
but he came from home whereas me and angez went from school... to ms.. walk walk a bit lorz... ate carl's jr.. 1st time i nvr finish everything.. ange was worse... she didnt even able to touch her burger... and didnt even finish her fries.. then met up with cal..

okie.. was planning that to com over my house de... see time so late.. so end up canceled... but went home gBed..

okie..
sat... i was like so late in waking up... so happened tat my hp went out of batt!! i dun believe it manz..
okie... met lin daddy and ange... went down to pasir ris.. walk and ate there while waiting for jiaqi and dear to come down..
then when dear reach.. jiaqi dun wan go le cuz.. she say too late..
then okie lorz..

reach costa sands resort the bike/skates rental there... we all cannot make up mind to cycle or skate... stone there discuss a bit.. then all skate!! cool rite!! i did really fall at all!! ange was like sreaming like more then 55 times.. i lost count at bout 52..

then was like blading around and played at the pasir ris park tat rope thingy... then had dinner and arcade a bit at dte... then took bus home..

haha... arcaded a bit in bishan too.. i caught an elephant stuff toy... then changed it to a bear with wings and specs.. feel so bad.. cuz is ange pay de.. then she kept on wanna play... she spent quite an amt there lehz...

okie.. some other stuff.. i lazy type out..

and today... juz.. not tat long ago.. i was like trying to look for chocobo racing tat game in iso mode.. cuz wanna try put into psp to play... but now then dLing.. juz wanna try out.. if cannot then i dunno wad to do le.. sian...

okie... need to sleep early.. tml start attachment le..
hope to see those attached to ttsh de tml..

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 9:23 pm