' " i see and i blow;

100 days seemed so fast..
i wun say it felt like ytd..
cuz i juz saw the video..
the video of tat day..
i said it doesnt felt like ytd..
as feelings ar numb..
saddening.. but really felt quite numb..
as if like.. i dun wanna think bout it..

missing some ppl greatly..
but sure.. they wun feel tat much..
i dunno how to start.. or even end..

hopefully days can be rewinded..
if not past more quickly..
i do not wish to be at cdc..
i do not wish to feel numb..
i do not wish to be depressed..
i do not wish to be only thinking bout the pass..
i do not wish to think too far ahead..
i juz wanna get out of cdc..

i miss peads..

hopefully... i truely wanna fooget everything..
and juz live my life again..
and not only to me..
but.. every1..
dun think is only me..
maybe my brother..
my parents..
but i shall be straightforward...
to ppl in lco too.. or ppl around lco..

u said its impossible to change..
but is it true is IMPOSSIBLE??
or is it truely u do not wanna change..
excuses does not work..
and u can nvr change 1 fact..
ppl are always changing..
so dun bother sticking only to the pass..
times are need for u to rmb both bad and good memories..
but does not mean u hav to live in the memories..
live ur life... only rmb memories..
dun rmb too much of the feelings..
only wad had happened.. and treat it like a story book u finish reading..
tats is good enough.. to keep u away from further probs..
stop u from thinking too much...

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 11:23 pm

i juz wonder y...
y ppl juz dun wanna see other ppl..
and is not cuz of tat person is being offended..

i juz dunno y..

like quite some time nvr see tengs le..
cuz i attachment he not i not he is.. sad rite..
okay.. others still okay..
dunno y.. i may need times to be alone.. time i wan accompanies...
but unsure when is when.. juz like the feeling of
when i need ppl accompany.. no one is there
when i do wanna be alone.. there ppl accompany
tat type of feeling.. is like so strange..

may be quieten down and do some self thinking..
maybe i am not prepared anough to truely me alone yet..

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 10:48 am

viewed;;[zzz ]

zzz.. most of every one morning shift..
wad the hell!! i shld be happy i last day liaoz..
but i afternoon!! till 9pm.. sianzzzz..
good life lahz.. noch, sk, ferdy and jac..
4 of them all morning shift and last day in their respective wards...
power lorz.. i still hav afternoon to go thru..
sian... all my favs going home oso..
shld be happy for them.. but will kinda miss them..

haha..
still hav bout 11 hours to break... the start of my 2 weeks break..
i still considering bout tml... shld go kbox or not..
cuz tengs not going.. sk say he no voice.. wad the..
sigh...

hope todays ends fast.. so no need think so much..
juz kinda.. bored... nothing to do now.. but stoning..
juz fyi... babies are so nice to carry.. especially when they afe so comfy in ur arms.. and they falling into sleep.. is a feeling worth rmbing..
lol.. may not hav the chance liaoz...
today carry more babies then..
lol..

and ya.. like my new layout?? i made it myself..
and with help of ange!! for the encoding.. to hav this wahlah!! this blog layout..
so thx ange..

haha.. so fast 2 weeks in peads gone le T.T

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 9:42 am

viewed;;[peads ]

gladly.. i love the peads attachment..

but.. today..
*sighs*
damn sian!!

after reading this.. u can say i bias oso can.. i dun mind..

but i sort of hate it.. when..
i see ssn scold tat patient.. ya i agree he can be restless and ap at times..
but who does.. especially when he has the probs... sorry.. confidental.. cannot type the full story

but scolding him, showing of ur power is not wad the ppl wan now..
okay.. u cannot blame ppl of their character and their thinking especially in this case...
and oh deAR I SERIOUSLY THINK TAT U DID WRONG..
he is naughty doesnt mean he is bad..
its him to be street-wise.. to hav this thinking..
u cannot blame him for tat.. he has to be independant at tat age...
there are times where he will learn the wrong stuff.. but tat doesnt mean u hav to treat him like a gangster.. screaming at him and force him so forcfully...

this is wad generation le!! still think u hav the power then can change ppl's thinking??
now is not like last time.. where caning helps so much..
it does hav reverse effects...

treating other kids like okay okay.. but when tok bout him.. like
ah ya.. a bad kid lahz.. hav to be firm with him 1..
i agree being firm.. but firm DOESNT mean to SCREAM AND SCOLD!!
u being scratched like tat from him.. sorry.. but i feel.. its ur own findings...
cuz u are the 1 tat pulled him like tat.. cuz lahz..
it pains me.. i see le.. and when tat lid happens to be one of my fav to be toking too..

now keeping him there.. in the ward.. u think will make him better..
tried to ask whether can bring him out of the ward.. even rite after the incident...
all he wanted is to go home.. think being in hosp when u are totally health physically is nice??
wonder.. if ur parents wun even bother bout u.. and u staying in the ward at his age..
cannot go any where... only other pts to tok to.. a TINY play area.. and a pathetic tv..
he enjoys playing the xbox.. the comp.. and with juz 1 scream of urs.. u stopped him going to do the things he like..

and dun forget.. he is in a FOUL mood due to wad he had heard.. being in the hosp for 1 month.. without illness.. wad do u think.. is a totally cut out of school.. from his normal frens..
wun it make him go into a worse state..

i maybe bias.. but if i am bias.. u are more bias.. sad to say.. i refuse to say anything then..
cuz.. i dun wan add salt to the wound.. but i am there...
at least.. matters hav rest.. but.. some how.. still hav the feeling to fight for him..
but not going to the comp and xbox place.. i cannot say anything..
cuz he did make trouble there.. so i hav nothing to say.. but it is unfair for banning him to go there!!

hopes... he does learn and change.. i am no one to him.. but it is wad i feel..
and heres a add-on
something i truely learn..
nvr jump to conclusions..
and nvr SCREAM AND SCOLD SOMEONE WITHOUT THINKING AND KNOWING WAD REALLY HAPPENED ON HIM.. NOE THE REASON 1ST...

i bubblied around at,,
wished u are with me 6:53 pm